Surrender to what is
I love my flow, I love gliding gracefully from one pose to a next, letting the breath move me into one pose and out of another. I love the meditative dreamy feeling it adds to my practice..
Fast forward to gracefully stepping through to a low lunge, and then holding it there, sinking deeper and deeper into my already aching hips. I lengthen with my in breath and sink deeper with the out breath.
And then it starts, my monkey mind has had enough of this present moment stuff, it wants to move onto the next thing... I go through a whole range of emotions, resistance, anger, avoidance, frustration all in the space of a milli second, as I plunge deeply into the depths of my discomfort and the agonising opening of the spaces in my body that unconsciously hold on, the places where all the unresolved emotions and stresses of the mind pool up and store. This stuff sits in our bodies and manifests as tight hips, stiff backs and sore shoulders. It manifest as resistance to change, stagnant energy and stubborn thinking.
My muscles shake and my hips scream, my mind wants to move on, it wants to give up and move out, it wants me straighten my leg, it can't wait for the asana to be over.
And then my own yoga teacher voice takes over, silently whispering,
Let go.. Let go of the thoughts and resistance
Breathe... Into all those spaces that are holding on
Surrender.. to the present, learn to sit with the pain and discomfort instead of trying to run or avoid.
I sink down a little deeper and find my body gently co-operating, opening up in a way it seldom does.
I don't know the exact science or reasoning behind it, what I do know is what I can feel. I feel the areas where yoga loosens blockages and stuck stagnant energies, I notice that how over time I have become more able to sit with discomfort, to really feel and experience it, and to know that our ego and mind gets affected by this practice. We start to see how the mind dislikes uncomfortable situations, how it runs away, feeds us lies about our abilities to do things. With each practise the body starts to free up and slowly so does the mind, we start feeling a little bit lighter and brighter as awareness is brought back.
The next time you find yourself fighting and raging against your asana, that moment when you're just about to step out of the pose, when you feel like you just cant hold it any longer and you have to move.. NOW!!
My invitation to you is to hold, breathe into it, let go of all thoughts of discomfort. Silently give gratitude to the experience, bring your awareness to your breath, feel your strength, find your inner warrior. Acknowledge the resistance and agitation in your mind, as just that, be it's master. Instead of resisting sink down a little deeper and see where those depths take you..