Songs in our heart

I woke this morning feeling raw, vulnerable and ANGRY.

Anger is an emotion that I struggle with in the sense that I find it so overwhelmingly fiery, that I com bust, and spew fire in quite a literal sense. Being accustomed to naming it a "bad" feeling I have always just stuffed it back inside, and lately it's been bubbling to the surface, waiting for the right someone or something to ignite it's fiery presence.

You see when I'm not a fire spewing dragon, I'm actually a really easy going, peaceful and calm human being. I practice yoga, I tip the petrol attendant, I always say please and thank you.

And it's exactly this "nice girl" behavior that has led to years of unfelt and untamed anger and frustration.

Fast forward to my 34th year on this planet and now here I am, having to unlearn all that I have learnt and feel all that I have tried my hardest not to feel. It's been a tough personal year for me, and for so many others that I know.

Beginnings, endings, plans gone wrong, dreams gone up in flames. Many of us have been shaken to our cores, brought to question ourselves, our life choices and our ways of living.

 This is how I come to be on my yoga mat outside on a perfectly beautiful summers day feeling like I am carrying molten lava in my heart, burning seething anger, which has no real cause.

I swallow it down and I feel that fire burning in my belly as I chant my morning mantra, I fight my way through asana, constantly reminding myself to soften, to find space, release, let go. Even with all this encouragement my jaw stays firmly set, my heart heavy with emotion and rage.

As I lay on my mat, my feet up in the air, staring at the clear blue sky and feeling the gentle breeze caressing my bare arms, cooling my body and this fiery heart. From somewhere in the distance a neighbor starts slowly serenading this last part of my practice with a guitar and a song.

This is the beauty of this human experience. I do not know who this mysterious neighbor is and they do not know of my existence, and yet in that moment they brought me a beautiful gift, carried on the winds from their heart to mine.

No matter how alone we may think we are, how different, how separate, how much better off or worse off we perceive ourselves or our experiences to be. We are all in this together, interconnected through the sun and the stars and the songs in our hearts


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